Monday, January 29, 2007

Austin Barbies

Austin Texas Barbies
ANNOUNCEMENT: Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Austin Texas market:
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" Westlake Barbie"

This princess Barbie is sold only at Davenport Village . She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade, Prada and LV Handbags, Rolex watch a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a 25,000 sq ft. patio home.

Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

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"Round Rock Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.

Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately

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" East Riverside Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

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"Lakeway Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of Rolls Royce convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

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" Bastrop Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

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"Warehouse District Barbie"

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

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"Buda Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Bastrop Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

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" Travis Heights Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Travis Heights Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

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" Del Valle Barbie"

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

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"Hutto Barbie"

She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.

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"Downtown Barbie/Ken"

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding/subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.


Annie in Austin said...

Where's the Pflugerville Barbie?

Anonymous said...

I've seen this posted on MySpace as well. Do you know who created this? I asked my friend who posted it, and he said he didn't know.

I do find some of these stereotypes rather offensive, but many are funny as well.

dquack said...

I'm not sure who created it. I got it from a friend's post on MySpace. As for a Pflugerville Barbie...that would be me!

billv said...

What happened to the South Austin (78704) Barbie? You know, the one with the hemp blouse and Ken with the peasant shirt? How about the Leslie Barbie? Then again, it is probably best you left that one out!

Anonymous said...

So funny!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm made entirely out of tofo! Too weird!

Anonymous said...

Someone said they are offended. I can only guess they are one or more of the stereotypes. If so, they should be offended but not by this post but by their own ignorance. Yes, I agree. It is funny.

Anonymous said...

WHy are you guys still using Myspace?